"OUR NAME"

"Shepherd's Rest" was inspired by Psalm 23:1-3...

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.  He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:

He leadeth me beside the still waters. 

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me into the paths of righteousness for his name's sake."

Psalm 23 is, of course, one of the most well-known, and dearest, passages in all of the Scriptures.

Yet, in our day, this portrayal of peace, and the caring presence of the Lord, is quite foreign to our  ways of living.  In fact, many have turned to whatever seems to be the prevailing thoughts and methods, and do not  even consider  whether or not the "ancient paths', or Scriptural ways, are relevant.

In our dealing with individuals, couples, and families, we remain convinced that, if there are remedies for the concerns and difficulties people face, they must be rooted in sound wisdom and biblical perspective. 

Note that the Psamist says that "He (the Lord) restores the soul".  The temptation is to try to restore the soul  through medication, psychology, education, change of environment, religious practice, 'having fun', etc.  Any of these may be approriate, but, if they exclude God, and His revealed ways, there will be a lack of any substantial change.  In other words, there may be some temporary relief, but not something that will prove lasting.  This is especially true in marriage and family life.

Also, in Psalm 19:7, the Psalmist writes, "The law of the Lord is perfect [complete], restoring the soul".  Thus it has been our desire to help people develop a healthy knowledge of the Shepherd, and a sound understanding and application of His 'ways', as Scripture reveals.

Our goal is to instill a desire to live healthy patterns of life, and to encourage others.  In a day when marriage and family have been under siege, we have attempted to under-gird those who are seeking  a better way! Thank you for your interest! 

Below are a few questions for which we have sought to provide some answers. We would be privileged to help you find rest, refreshment, and encouragement!

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(4) Question, & Suggestions: "We tend to have trouble with our pre-schooler when we bring her to the nursery at church. She gets very clingy, and then throws a tantrum when we leave her there when we go to the church service. What would you suggest?"

Well, we had pre-schoolers for a decade! (Yes, 2 year-olds in our home for a ten-year period!)  Here are some helpful thoughts--

1) Prepare ahead of time. Not only do you get your child's stuff together the night before (so as to avoid the frantic Sunday morning scramble), you prepare your child for the Lord's day. Make sure that you tell your child that "we'll be going to church tomorrow. We'll go to worship, to learn about the Lord & His ways, and to be with others, too." You are not asking for your child's approval, you are warmly & positively stating what will occur.

2) Be firm, caring and in control. We have seen young parents whine, bribe, entice, and then plead with the child while in the nursery hallway. Then, when these techniques don't work, the parent is first embarrassed, then angry, and then will tend to explode. This is a big problem which conveys a very negative message to the child!

3) Remember, you are the parent--charged by the Lord to take care of your child! When you do the asking, rather than the directing, your child is placed in the position of responsibility. "Parents, obey your child...."--sort of backwards, no? Be firm, yet gentle. When a child knows what is expected, and knows that he/she is loved and cared for, he/she will be more secure and more responsive to training, i.e. discipline, and the things which are required of him/her.

4) If you face this struggle, we can share with you some very helpful steps which will give you confidence, and impart to your child biblical "nurture & admonition." (This will also help you determine which misbehavior you are unwittingly instilling in your child and how to counter-act it!) If you put off training your child when he/she is little, the consequences later on can be regretful--rebellion, disrespect for any God-ordained authority, insecurity, wrong choices, peer-dependence, and so forth. There are enough pressures children and young people face--hence, the crucial need for parents who lovingly & firmly guide their children, rather than cater to, coddle, pet, pamper, intimidate, threaten or coerce them.

5) Scripture requires that young children be trained and mentored in responsibility to God, family, and others. It is not hard to do, but it requires commitment, a change in priorities, and a constant awareness that the Lord is real and what we do matters for eternity. We would be eager to share the things which we have learned, and some of the things which we realized were not as helpful as we originally thought.

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3) Question, & Suggestions: "We have a teen who is eager to drive, but we feel that he/she is not quite mature enough to be trusted with a vehicle. When we talk about this, we get, "But all of my friends have their license!" What would/did you do?en who is eager to drive, but we feel that he/she is not quite mature enough to be trusted with a vehicle. When we talk about this, we get, "But all of my friends have their license!" What would/did you do?

The real issue is not about friends--it is about your particular son or daughter. Perhaps these suggestions can help--

1) The Lord requires parents to teach, train, and mentor their children. This includes not only their schooling, but their character and also their "life skills". A wise man told us that "irresponsibility breeds incoherence". A child must develop obedience, accountability to proper authority, and diligence in that which is required of him or her. If this is not instilled,  the child (and yoing adult) will have trouble growing up. He or she will not "get it" when you try to rationally explain things--the incoherence!--and you will usually get into an emotionally-driven power struggle. We have come to realize the wisdom of this counsel.

2) When the child focuses more on peers, or blames you, or others, for his or her own troubles and failures, it reveals their real maturity level, or lack thereof. The Lord wants them to be mature in their youth--as Jesus demonstrated in Luke 2:48-51--, or as Daniel's life gave testimony (Daniel 1).

3) In our family, we evaluate each individual child's skill and character. We then provide appropriate mentoring during the learner's permit phase to further impart skill, confidence, and accountability. Of course, we have already been mentoring with issues such as laundry, keeping their room orderly, putting dishes away, turning in assignments on time, money management, keeping curfews, animal care responsibilities, fixing things that need repair, Bible study, etc. (Proverbs 22:6!)

4) Then, before obtaining that license each child is required to memorize and recite an entire book of the Bible. They do this in chapter -by-chapter segments. This instills mental discipline, helps hide God's Word in their heart, and develops both confidence and an ability to focus. (You can vary what book you require...say Philippians or 1 John or 1 Chronicles or the entire Psalms, depending on whether or not you you really want him or her behind the wheel just yet!

5) We also require each child to pay for their insurance, and gasoline. This is not done as an obstacle, but rather to help them count the cost, be responsible, face the reality of what law and prudence require, and promote a healthy work ethic. (If you don't work you don't eat...or drive.) If a son or daughter balks, perhaps they are really not ready. And the issue is not that "you won't let me"--it is whether or not your son or daughter demonstrates a growing maturity. Please ask us if we may be able to encourage you!

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1) Question, & Suggestions: "As a parent, I am deeply concerned about our son who was raised in the church and is now married. He and his wife are not attending a church. Besides praying for him, what can I do or say that would help lead him back to the church?"

We have witnessed this type of scenario from many dear believers over the years. There are no hip-pocket, trite answers. Truly we need the wisdom that only the Lord can give, applied soundly to our particular situation. Yet, here are a few thoughts to prayerfully consider--                             

1) Remember that true change, or true transformation, comes by the renewing of the mind (Romans 12:2), having a heart that is guarded by the Word & ways of God (Proverbs 4:23). Thus, we must first understand & act from godly motives, and learn to think from a biblical perspective. We must both believe and live this out.

2) Unfortunately, many young people have been brought up under the illusion that going to church is equivalent to what it means to be a Christian. Thus, their "Christianity" is the activities, programs, friends, music, etc. that they were involved in. Often, without intending to, the parents instilled this by emphasizing the fun, the friends, the music, the status, the social acceptance, etc. that church afforded. Yet, Jesus calls us to first "hear My voice and follow Me" (John 10:27). A question we often respond to the parent with is, "Rather than merely focusing on whether or not your son is interested in church, would you say that your son has a heart for God?"

3) Usually the answer to this question is, "No, not really, though he is a good son and is a good young man." If this is the case, we would suggest that whether or not he "gets involved", that the emphasis of your life--as the parent who loves him--should be to recommit yourself to following the Master. Jesus is a real Person, a real Master, and a real Savior who calls those who name Him to do what He commands (John 14:15) and to take their thoughts & attitudes captive to Him (2 Corinthians 10:5). It is crucial that Jesus have the preeminence, not the church! (Colossians 1:18) Yet, based on our experience, having counselled hundreds, having worked with couples & families for 20+ years, and having served in three churches where God has worked mightily & each has led their state in baptisms, it seems that for many a raised-in-church son or daughter, this vital knowing & living for Jesus was really not the priority. Nor, to be honest,was it so for the parents. Sadly, we have seen many sons and daughters reject the Lord the parents merely talked about (Jesus) to worship the god the parents really pursued (materialism, success, social staus, power, pleasure...).

4) Thus, for many a son or daughter the main thing in Christian living, the "Come & learn of Me" (Matthew 11:28-30), has not been truly imparted. Then, when there is seemingly no need for those secondary things which church involvement previously afforded, the now grown-up child loses interest. Unfortunately, parents cannot go back & undo this! We cannot un-sow and un-reap! However, as a parent you can in your own life & in your interaction with your son convey that your greater concern is not his church attendance, but for him to genuinely live day-by-day in the conscious awareness of who the Lord is and what He requires of His own.

5) If you convey disdain or anger towards your son because he is not involved in church, he will sense that you think he is not meeting your expectations. He will then tend to look for reasons to justify his attitudes or patterns of behavior (whether genuinely wrong or merely out of apathy), usually targeting the faults, failures, and the irrelevance of  all that "church stuff".

6) However, if you convey to your son that Jesus first calls us to BE the church, not merely GO to church--the Greek word "church", "ecclesia", means "called out people", not a facility!--your son then becomes immediately accountable to the Lord. Thus, ask him if he would say that his life is characterized by a desire for holiness or righteousness. Ask him if his expressed thoughts, conveyed attitudes, and lived-out actions would be pleasing to the Master. Be gentle, but with the resolve which comes from genuinely caring! Do not argue your points! Do not argue with him! Do not tell him what to do! Do not whine, or bribe! Rather, ask him what he thinks the Lord Jesus would have him do. If he says he doesn't know, ask him how he could find out. If he says that he doesn't care, do not be alarmed!--your son is clarifying his true spiritual condition, and the Lord will give him opportunity for conviction & repentance, whether he is a genuine believer or not.

7) One other thought which may be of help...It has been our experience that there usually is 1), a root of bitterness or 2), true guilt over  hidden sin, which works defilement both in heart and mind. Many a young adult carries baggage from the way he or she was treated, and the consequences of the way he or she responded to troubling situations. Only the forgiveness and cleansing that Jesus affords can remedy this. If your son bears deep wounds and real pain, Jesus--not the church--is the answer. You cannot force someone to come to Jesus--however, don't substitute the church for Jesus.

8) The point is that your son is first accountable & responsible to the Lord. If he is a believer, the Lord will confirm that to him. If he is not, the Lord will convict him that he has been a "play actor", in the Greek "hypocrite", and reach out to him for genuine salvation. You are called to live out love, forgiveness, righteousness, truth, etc. Sow these in your own life and in your interaction with your son. Yet be honest--do not soothe-say, or make excuses for him. Since he is a man, he must bear the responsibilities of being a man, and especially so as he stands before God. And yes, do pray for him!  

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